Screencap from the impressively homoerotic fight scene between Gregory Peck and Charlton Heston from one of my favourite Westerns, The Big Country. It’s full of astonishing landscapery which gives rise to feelings of longing within… Also, abhor his politics, but boy does Heston’s physique outclass in this film. Anyway…
I’ve thought about writing a lot, but as is quite clear, I haven’t done anything about it until now, the Sunday evening of a weekend filled with naps, gaming and absorbing others playing online on Twitch, which was not filled with the flat tidying I needed to do, or the 150 reports I needed to craft (AKA cut and paste to save my sanity). Reports have to be done by Wednesday. OH WELL.
The Essay: I got one mark less than I did last year, so I didn’t fail; feedback from my tutors was appropriate and helpful. Fucking awful time of it, writing-wise, but I was reasonably pleased with how I did – a merit – considering I know that there were many problems with parts of it. It’s done, and I don’t need to worry about writing so much again this year thank Christ.
Work: continues to be shite. It is what it is – a big paycheck that means I can save for a big holiday every now-and-then – but I daily question what i’m doing there. There’s so little satisfaction – behaviour is still bad, school still stuck in the stone age, many colleagues seem to be unable to do their fucking jobs.
There is the possibility that things might improve slightly in the future, but I don’t think it’s going to be the wholesale reform that needs to happen – i’m not a good fit for the place I think. I expected to teach hard-working, smart, switched-on kids, but my God are those a rarity. Ability – and crucially the amount of willingness and effort put in – is far below my last non-selective school, and I can’t teach to the best of my ability because of the behaviour and management systems – or lack of them.
Can’t wait for the end of term, but it’s over a month away at this point, and I know that i’ll probably have to go in over the break to make more of an impact on the shite that I have not had time to sort out – over ten years’ worth of junk from my predecessor. There’s also so much to do before I get to “freedom”.
I feel like I get so little done, as I have zero support in my department – my colleague is super part-time, and she comes in, does her job uninspiringly, and goes home. She doesn’t do what we previously agreed upon, and causes more problems than she contributes in terms of any help; I have support from other heads of other departments, but it would be so great to have the admin support that many other schools have, so that my working life might be made simpler and easier.
Other than that… got some artwork on show in town over a weekend coming up as part of a town-wide event, which will be a bit weird, as it’s going to be very personal work in a tailoring shop. It’s something different I suppose, and more experience is always a good thing… I think? I’ve been making a bit of new work recently which has been enjoyable, but of course there’s always room for more. Much more.
What else… I’ve spent megabucks on what will be two weeks driving myself about Utah, Nevada and Arizona over the Summer break, so I have something exciting to look forward to, and day dreaming of things of the “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” variety goes some small way to brightening up my days. Two years from my last trip to a desert I still think of it often, so it’s an investment for the future, or at least this is what i tell myself as I see my budget dwindle…
Also, i’m tired. Bed.