Been meaning to do it for aages, but today I went into town and bought a box to put all of the things associated with Coppell into it, so I could store them out of sight and, hopefully, out of mind.
I didn’t expect to find it upsetting, as bits and bobs had been lying around my room in plain sight, but as I gathered pieces together and put stuff out for recycling I started to weep as the gifts, seat tickets, receipts and handwritten notes triggered off memories. It’s taken me an hour to get to the point where i’m just feeling sad and not leaking from my tear ducts.
This piece on recovery from the end of a relationship seems a good one (though of course i’m just liking what seems to make sense to me); it talks about things coming in waves:
“There is a phenomenon that most people find disconcerting for many months. You may feel that you’re doing better, you’re beginning to smile, and you may even have started feeling good enough to date again. Then, out of nowhere, you are hit with a flood of emotions! You think to yourself ‘I thought I was doing better than this, what’s wrong with me?'”THIS times a million.
I shouldn’t beat myself up about being upset, nor worry too much about taking “too long” to recover; I know i’ve made progress and I know I continue to do so with time. Of course, that’s the hard part: no matter what I read, who I meet up with, how work is going, ultimately time is the only thing that is going to help. Which I have no control over, so I should try and focus on the things I can control.