Thursday 23rd July
At last, I have escaped my many charges for the Summer break, to spend my time on such important matters as Nintendo-ing, sleeping and eating instead of unblocking sinks, restraining myself from bollocking children and tidying up other peoples mess.
Naturally as I have more time to myself I will replace this brat-related anger with rage directed towards the students who laugh uproariously, run up and down the corridor, play the motherfucking piano, socialise and bash and scrape cutlery two metres away from where I am trying to exist. Or it's the toddler who roams about the garden and bashes against my windows.
Last night it was the students laughing their heads off whilst watching a DVD before they went to bed; at 12.45am I had enough and stuck my head out to ask them to stop making noise. I really want to give them a fucking good bollocking, swear at them, shout, but what I actually need to do is have a higher paid job and not have the cost of living be so high so that I can actually move out of my one room into something larger and quieter.
During the day it is fairly quiet, alternating between sweet silence and toddler ramblings, but it is in the evenings when I find myself getting pissed off. I know that unfortunately I live next to a communal area, but after 11pm everyone needs to shut the fuck up. Zero noise. Some evenings it's fine, but this evening like many others I find myself consulting the clock as it creeps towards the magic hour of 11 o'clock when I can be justified in my anger. It's in the contract, see. I don't want to have to listen to other people's conversations whilst I try and watch a film or type things and I don't want to have to adjust my bedtime to when they decide to quiet down and go to sleep themselves.
Anyway, i've discovered that putting my fan on neutralises some of it; earplugs and pleas for quiet are the next weapons of choice.
With regards work, I have a bit of planning to do, but nothing overly taxing. I am taking a lot less lower school next year, with most of my timetable taken up with A Level classes. This is no bad thing however I am a bit worried about bearing more responsibility- more teaching of photography on my own. My colleagues are uber confident in my ability however and are happy to offer help, so I think I am probably worrying unnecessarily- quelle surprise there.
MR T passed his MOT (hooray!) without major work (I am going to do that some other month!) and hopefully I will now spend my time off in a state of low stress. Hopefully.
As far as going away for the Summer, I am going about twenty minutes down the road to a spa with Leia Ewok Village and others to celebrate her thirtieth birthday; I am looking forward to my first full-body massage and I am going to book in a facial too. What you are supposed to do the rest of the time I have no idea, but I can always bring the DS to help me out with the lazing :)
Other than that I am going to try and catch up with friends whom I have not visited in an age and try and become more at ease with my slightly more padded body, as I have been feeling rather dissatisfied with what i've been seeing in the mirror these past few months.
I raised the idea of going away for a week or so as a tag team with MW#1 and he reacted favourably, but whether or not we actually end up going anywhere I am fairly unsure. The more I consider the idea the more I realise how important it is to me, and therefore I can see that there is more likelihood of it ending in failure- it is rare that things that matter to me actually happen. I may end up being grumpy from snoring-induced sleep deprivation, but it would be so very awesome to wake up next to him each morning, even for just a few days.
After a particularly difficult conversation with my Dad I felt deeply upset for several hours. Trying to find some small source of reassurance I asked MW#1 whether he loved me as a friend or something more; what I should have asked him is whether or not he loves others like he loves me. It was a classic demonstration of how he is never there for me when I could really do with some support, some hugs- I don't need to be told that everything will be all right, and I don't need validation very often being used to getting very little. Although he replied positively, at the time I felt like something so important meant basically fuck all as I sat alone and upset in front of my computer.
Can it even be called a non-relationship? Is the association with the word relationship just too close? Would something like "not chosen by myself occasional arrangement" be more appropriate? I hope we can spend a bit of time away; aside from spending some time together I really would like to leave the country for a bit. I know exactly where i'd like to go, so even if I end up going nowhere more exotic than London, I can at least spend a few minutes during my time off journeying on our imaginary holiday together. Far-flung indeed.
In other news, I have fallen in love with Giles Coren. He is officially delicious, and I would gladly put up with his rudeness and juvenile behaviour at the table if I could get my hands on his manfur and he would give me a nice dirty look. SIGH...
