Monday, October 27
The Non-Relationship between me and MW#1 has experienced what I consider to be a few interesting developments of late; for the last day or so I have been pondering what if anything to write about with regards to what has been going on over the last couple of weeks. Ponder ponder.
I'd like to recount conversations we've had because I think they are interesting and important and provide a little insight into the slow motion car crash that is our refriendtionship; however, there is the issue of privacy to think about and I have to wonder what would posting them up do- Change anything? Nuh-uh. I've taken a very long time writing out a post that recaps everything in blow-by-blow detail but I think it might be more prudent that I leave it to sit unpublished whilst the Dubai Bombshell plays itself out.
Two years ago I experienced a particular health and welfare issue over the course of a couple of months that was indirectly linked to MW#1. At the time I was pretty stressed out about it and for a variety of reasons I decided the best course of action was not to involve him until I knew for sure the prognosis (so to speak) either way. I wrote a post collecting my feelings together and I published it only to take it down a couple of hours later when I had a change of heart, again due to issues of privacy.
I never filled in MW#1 on what was going on and when things resolved in a positive way I decided there was no reason to let him know. Looking back I think that the decision not to share was the best one. My friends played their role in supporting me, which to be honest is the best thing going, but I feel like I would have appreciated a little understanding from him, but Hell, if I didn't tell him what could I expect? Humans ain't mind-readers, as far as science can tell us.
The events of the last couple of weeks have resulted in the cultivation of very warm and fuzzy feelings towards the person who might be leaving both myself and the country in a month or so. Stress from uncertainty scratches at the corners of my mind like the toast crumbs in my bed, but there's nothing to be done except waiting and seeing.
In some ways I am quite pleased about how I have dealt with difficult conversations that have been cropping up recently; I have found that I am more able than I thought I would be to talk and to stick up for myself and what I want- I am able to explain and ask questions through the tears. Go me. My opinions carry absolutely zero power in altering the course of things but at least I am putting them out there.
And still I feel an inexplicable tenderness towards the man who I let hurt me, who has never spent more than twenty-four hours in my company yet whose well being I worry over; when I awake next to him and curl up in his warm embrace I feel deeply content, even if he is regaling me with the ins-and-outs of Warhammer 40K.
