Monday 6th August
So anyway Simon Pegg was a man with a gun who wasn't afraid to use it.
He was standing to my left, dressed in dark green combats and blue windbreaker and was rocking the bleached hair look. He stood just behind a column watching a security guard wandering along one of the upper levels in the mega mall we both happened to be in; it was a monstrosity in fake marble and trompe l'oeil Tuscan vistas. This would have been just about acceptable if we were in Manchester, but we were in California.
I sucked on my chocolate milkshake and watched Pegg watch the guard; I noticed the bulge on his hip and how his jacket flared out a little over the shoulder and I thought something was not quite right. As the rent-a-cop walked away Pegg moved back behind the column and stood next to a large control panel in the wall. He took a key out of his pocket and unlocked the mesh door to the panel, revealing an array of switches, indicators and a keypad. I noticed that the lanyard that dangled from the key was bloodstained and that his knuckles were skinned.
He ignored me completely, keeping focused on the position of the security guard; every so often he would break off from his task and peer out from around the column and check on the guard's progress. With the door open he pulled a card out of his pocket and ran it through the reader to the side of the panel, peered closely at the line display and punched a set of numbers in. As he lifted his hands to the panel the holster that hung from his left shoulder was visible under his jacket. Hmmm...
I stood and I sucked and I pondered. Pegg took one last look out at the guard (who was just making his way back towards our end of the building), ducked back in, took the gun off his hip and started to flick the switches. The indicators started changing from green to red and as they did so metal shutters started to slowly descend, blocking off the entrances to the shops. The guard saw Pegg by the panel and began to run towards us, shoppers staring dumbfounded at the falling shutters and the guard barrelling towards our location. He screeched into his radio for backup as he advanced upon us.
Pegg took careful aim and fired a single shot. The guard went down face first into a gumball machine, the brightly coloured balls scattering wildly about him. I stopped drinking the milkshake and stood frozen to the spot, unsure whether to stay put or run for my life. With a look of intense concentration a toddler took advantage of this windfall via bullet and reached out and scooped up a single yellow gumball before a shrieking partent whipped him away. People ran. Slipped on the marble floors. Collided with each other. Pegg holstered his gun, turned towards me and grinned. He held his hand out.
"Let's go."
The last shutter slammed down behind us, sealing us in, away from the guards and the rest of humanity. I dropped the shake and took his hand. We ran.
Pegg let out an ecstatic laugh as we dodged a black plastic dog begging for Guide Dogs... and then I was laughing as he blew raspberries on my stomach. Pegg took the seemingly absent Patrick's role as huggable object, wrapped up with me under the constellation of dots that cover my duvet. We were laughing a lot as we rolled around in the duvet, until we heard sounds coming down the hall towards our room.
I pushed Pegg under the duvet, whereupon he seemed to disappear- the duvet went flat and I was alone in my bed. I held my breath... the door opened and I was greeted by the rather stern face of one of the security guards from earlier on, flanked by several similarly ashen-faced colleagues. I pulled the duvet a little higher up my naked self.
"Hello"
The guard flicked his gaze over the small room and seemingly satisfied gently closed the door. I heard footsteps going down the stairs and the front door shut and then I was left in silence. I sank back into the pillow and stared at the ceiling relieved. Pegg's form erupted from under the duvet. He was red faced as if he had been holding his breath.
"That was close."
I said nothing. He moved up next to me and ran his fingers through my hair before submerging beneath the dots and running his hands over my body. I let my head fall back further into the pillow and grinned...
When he came up for air he kissed my nose and said
"I just wanted to be able to say that I copped a feel of Marge Simpson."
Then I was alone browsing junk on the internets, internally debating whether or not I should attempt to add Pegg as a friend on Facebook, being that he's a celebrity and all. I wasn't sure I qualified, but figured I had an in as he felt me up.
----------------------------------------------
This is what I awoke from this morning. Fuck knows.
