Sunday 22nd April
Excellent evening out and about with Leia Ewok Village. Long time no see so we covered a wiiide selection of topics in our increasingly drunken conversation. I even bought dinner.
I was pretty drunken by the time I got home; maudlin head holding proceeded to occur once I stretched out in bed- thus the pitiful photograph and rambling.
I think it all hit me once I was home alone. Stuff that we'd previously laughed our arses off about was distinctly unfunny when recalling seeing two people walking hand-in-hand whilst curled up drunk and lonesome next to Patrick.
I thought about how not a single person i've loved has held my hand other than to drag me somewhere and that they would never do so as it would imply some sort of connection that was something other than "that novelty funny fuckable girl who's too comfortable to commit to..." I would compare it to sex workers not kissing because it's too intimate. Mind you the said-same people have kissed me (one extensively), so I guess it comes down to experiences of small intimacies that feel important.
I really don't have anything novel to say, do I? Just re-treading the same things i've been writing about for the last three-and-a-half years... It's a wonder anyone reads it.
