Wednesday 20th September
The last week or two has seen sadness appearing slowly yet surely over the horizon- things are starting to get to me. I was last paid at the end of May, so I figure I haven't done so badly, but I'm down to my last 300 doubloons... It's not like i'm going to be homeless at the end of the month (Caversham Princess is putting me up (Thank You!)) and I know that job numbers are increasing and slowly creeping towards my area, but somehow I feel that all my efforts of buying job papers, trawling websites and signing up with agencies will be for naught when it comes to doing anything remotely enjoyable or doing anything that I am trained for and good at.
Maybe it's 'cos I'm tired... maybe it's 'cos I watched the lovely Stephen Fry front a very interesting programme about bipolar mood disorder... maybe it's from all my self-questioning i've been doing of late... maybe it's 'cos things are getting kinda mean at Casa Monky...
Maybe it's from watching Talk To Her, my first Almodovar experience and seeing the beautiful Pina Bausch ballet (Cafe Muller and Masurca Fogo)... or maybe it's 'cos I think far too fucking much about things. Ugh. I guess I'm still looking forward to Friday, but the shine has been taken off, and right now i'm feeling kinda blah about it.
I shed several tears watching an episode of Holby City this evening (dead kid, staff illness, fucked up personal relationships etc. lame I know)... I was laughing by the end of the ep. but I think i've been feeling the pangs of the mean reds of late, and weeping over a soap is the nasty result. It's just *not* necessary.
I just can't help thinking that things are not quite right and are not destined to be. My room is cold and I'm very much looking forward to snuggling under my duvet with poorly Patrick (stuffing actually fell out of his head yesterday)... :(
What I really feel like is curling up in a caring pair of arms and resting my wonky Monky head on their chest... So that I feel like i'm a small, shipwrecked creature adrift on a warm island where I feel very small and safe. Me be thinkin' th'chances o' that kindness bein' bestowed upon me be just shy o' slim...
Watch a clip of the beautiful "Cafe Muller" here at NPR Pina Bausch - Clip from Talk To Her
A variety of soundtrack downloads
I am currently seeking refuge in Diane Reeve's silky vocals from Goodnight, And Goodluck.
Sigh... All I need now is a room lit by a single candle, some wine and a lap to stretch out across...
Darn.
