Sunday 25th June
I have spent my post-Beckham puke time reading Common acronyms / slang used on alt.seduction.fast. The whole site is very interesting, a sort of field guide to women as objects.
I wonder if MW#1 is well versed in these techniques? Somehow I get the idea that he is most proficient.
Oh yes, the return of MW#1. He's been missing-in-action for quite a few months of late; I'm sure he's been kicking ass and breaking hearts very efficiently in his absence. I've missed his evil brand of flirtatious fun... what with the whole Mid Atlantic heart trashing and all. Sigh. MW#1 and Mid At are strangely similar to each other- this means of course I am forever doomed to favour the unfavourable- but at least MW#1 is honest, or at least I think he is anyway...
When reading certain things I always think of various individuals as I go; you cannot read about massage or erotic talk without someone playing the other half in your head. Having dirty thoughts about MW#1 is somehow more acceptable to my overly wrought brain that those involving Mid Atlantic- My logic is totally warped there of course...
It's also somewhat depressing to watch porn at the moment- the things I see going on on-screen I wish were being done to me and I also recall happier, more enjoyable times past as well as wishing I had someone supportive to help me feel at ease in bed.
Given that I have always been a singular individual, fantasy is about as realistic as it gets when it comes to a relationship. Although I may have a deep longing for intimacy (physical and emotional) I have come to the conclusion that sex when not in a relationship or with someone who does not think you rock their world is something I cannot do. Paradox that I am.
I wonder if it is going to be possible to meet someone who appreciates me as much as I appreciate them by the time I am thirty; I consider that I am of greater worth than the majority of women floating around, but then men seem to go for the other 95% and not me. However, I would much rather exist as I am than turn into a female version of the pickup artistes as outlined on Fast Seduction. Eugh. Yes, it's true, I'd much rather be loser-ish and loyal, caring and honest with a brain in my unblonde head.
