Sorry for the lack of updates. There’s been many a time where I wanted to write, but work, or gaming, or TV, or wine, or sleep took priority. I often compose posts in my head – i’m a big one for running speeches in my head whilst in the shower – but then following through is not always a strongpoint of mine. Oh well.
Things are okay. It’s the time of year where I am even more reflective than normal, and so i’ve felt a bit glum at times over the break – Star Wars was bad, lots of work to do, lots of societal expectations to reject.
I felt my lack of male companionship rather more keenly than is usual, thought of Petrichor (for someone so smart he is a blind fucking idiot) and despaired over the desert that is online dating. I suppose you could say I did brilliantly in 2015 as I exceeded my previous record and had three, yes THREE dates over the year, but somehow I don’t feel very positive about this. This message I received is fairly typical:
Christmas – I survived four days with my family, just about. As per usual my Dad was a total prick about a range of things, and I was terribly glad to escape back home to my den. Aside from the family time, I saw Nitram, Leia Ewok Village, McCy, Caversham Princess and Bobby Convey, as well as catching up with my old mentor who headhunted me to my new position – she’s having a shit time in Cologne at her new school, so we commiserated together.
Saw The Force Awakens – what a disappointment it was. I wept, raged, and was left feeling glum and emotionally flat. It could have been Star Trek, but it was Star Trek: Into Darkness. I need to see it again to be sure, but, although there were enjoyable moments, there were SO many problems with the film that I can’t say I enjoyed the experience. Ugh :(
Work – Perhaps when I retire there will be a Christmas where I don’t have to work? Only another 33 years to go… :/ I got around 35 reports done (out of 90), planned and resourced a new project and PowerPointed 200 slides for presentations. I reflected on my first term, the issues I am having with behaviour, organisation etc. and thought about what if anything I could do to sort things.
After talking to my mentor, I also pondered what comes next – will I succeed with the MA – stay in teaching full-time be that at Head of Department level or regular pleb teacher level – try to move into university teaching – go part-time to make artwork – do something completely different – leave the country…?
I feel like I am learning less in my new workplace as they are so behind-the-times in so many areas, or at least I am not able to put my skills and knowledge to best use due to a lack of resourcing, low status of Art within the school/to the kids/parents. It’s all very unsatisfying. I’ve only been there a term however, so I need to persevere and make it to July – i’ve got the MA to work on, so it’s not like i’ve got nothing to do…
I did some artwork that took me in a new direction, and met up with my uni peers to visit the exhibition space. Yes, it is actually happening! Last weekend of this month in a proper art space in Oxford; we need to do everything ourselves, for example signage, private view, flyers, installation, etc. but what’s great is that we’re sharing the risk which helps me feel a lot more comfortable. This month is going to be a busy one… just need to make the work to go up now…! I have ordered what I hope will be a fabulous dress for the private view however hurrah.
The image at the start of this post is that of the planet closest to the Sun, Mercury. I spent some of a Christening hanging out with a four-year-old, teaching her (as best I could remember after two glasses of champagne) the order of the planets in our solar system and the various conditions of their surfaces. She drew me a pleasingly scribbly diagram to illustrate and, when she was saying goodbye – clad in a disco-fabulous metallic cape and hat made from surplus wrapping paper – forgetting my name, she called me Mercury.
Celestial body with an insanely hot atmosphere capable of melting metal? TOTALLY me :D
Anyway, back to work tomorrow. SIGH.