Monthly Archives: November 2014

Nobody’s Fault But My Own


Thank Christ for the weekend. A week ending with shitty parents and children being accusatory and demanding – but not lifting a fucking finger themselves in terms of personal responsibility or doing actual work of course – and i’m very glad to have zero commitments this weekend, other than another fun ride on the bike to get my M&S San Fransisco-style sourdough fix: £1.90 of happiness that lasts an entire weekend. Yayyyyy!

After the parents’ evening last night (10/11 parents supportive and thankful for “all that you do for my daughter”) I didn’t sleep very well, despite turning in relatively early as I was emotionally wrung out. This morning in that weird limbo when the traffic outside my window is sporadic and the alarm is a couple of hours away I had an unsettling, unpleasant dream about an old person-of-interest getting married; I felt quite distressed and woke up feeling confused and sad. So the rest of Friday was a bit of a mixed bag.

Until the trailer for the new Star Wars popped up online, and then much happy geeking-out did occur – I welled up with excite and happy :) :) :)
Comments Off on Nobody’s Fault But My Own

Six hours

Researching international posts and too deep a trawl through r/infp has resulted in bedtime sadness, of the sort where I lie awake feeling a bit small, wishing someone was curled up with me.

Coming from a family where emotional and physical displays of warmth were rare, I take enormous comfort and pleasure in the tactile (when I’ve access to it), and so when I’m feeling sad or tired I often find myself recalling times when my partner was affectionate towards me.

[hugs pillow tighter]
Comments Off on Six hours

Progress (of sorts)

First job application of the academic year, completed in under four hours. Quelle shock! Admittedly it was more of a customising previous letters and CVs situation, but still, it usually takes me a fucking age to craft what I want to put across, and then question myself if what i’m writing is in any way what they’ll be looking for. Sigh. Anyway.

Jobs seem to have been particularly sparse so far this year which is worrying; teaching is seasonal, as most staff have to give half a terms notice, for example resigning by October 31st to start a new job in January. I wish I lived in the world of six weeks’ notice! Usually after the resignation points there are more positions as people move around, but this year the expected bump hasn’t happened in the state or independent sector.

The international school hiring season has commenced, and it’s that time of year where I apply for that school i’ve applied to twice already without success haha. Anyway, this time it’s just a plain old art teacher role, without the usual technology add-on, and i’ve gone to town selling myself on a shorter, more “look what I can offer YOU” focused covering letter. I’m not in possession of much hope, but I give every application my best is all I can say.
Comments Off on Progress (of sorts)

Happy Unbirthday

rainbow hair MKIISo a day after my birthday I actually feel happy, courtesy of new rainbow hair and a takeaway.

Apparently the hole in me can at least be partially filled.

Comments Off on Happy Unbirthday

Unhappy Birthday

Felt increasingly down as the day progressed today. Escaped work, booked car in for fixing as it’s rattling (FFS), opened cards and presents, called the family, thanked people via text, email and chat. Did washing. Listened to some hiphop and jazz. Pasty and pitta and wine for birthday tea. Had a small weep over a Hamsters eating tiny Thanksgiving video.

Can’t quite work out why I feel fed up – a proper gathering is going to happen in a few weeks, so it’s not like the date will pass unnoticed, and i’m really looking forward to seeing so many friends.

I’m all right most of the time, alone and not lonely, but there are not infrequent occasions where I feel like there’s a hole in me that seems to be very hard to fill.

Maybe i’m just tired. Which I am, but. Probably need to be a bit kinder to myself.

Anyway, haircut and blue and pink hair slices tomorrow wooooooo! And nearer to the weekend hurrah!
Comments Off on Unhappy Birthday

WIN (or stubborn refusal to spend a tenner)

negative mudguards It took multiple days to do it, but I finally managed to install my new mudguards without too much grief, in the process saving myself a £10 installation fee and giving myself a sense of achievement. Hurrah!

It took multiple days, in that I had to trim the stays for the guards with a hacksaw so they got anywhere near the attachment points on my bike frame, and so I brought them into work to use the vices we have in the department.

I have a slightly unusual bike in that it folds but is mountain bike size – it’s a Tern Joe D24 – and so finding guards that fit its weird geometry and don’t get in the way has been a process of trial and error – the clip on set I bought did not work at all.

They don’t seem to interfere with my bike fold and look pretty good in their shiny blackness. If anyone else needs the info, I ordered the following from Wiggle:

SKS Bluemels
MTB Mudguard Set Black
26×1.0-1.5 – Trekkin

Once the stays were trimmed it took me a couple of hours to install and adjust the fuckers so they didn’t rub against the tyres – this is the part that took the longest ugggh. I will admit I need to get a cable tie to attach the rear to the bottom of the seat stay bit, as for the life of me I can’t manage to get the required bolt through – it’s such a fiddly job. Other than that – success. Or at least it looks that way in the kitchen… test ride comes tomorrow whoop.

Hmmm… I think I need to give my bike a name – something more personal than Joe. I seem to bestow feminine names on plants and masculine names on mechanical objects; Monty is what pops into my head but I probably need to sleep on it.

Comments Off on WIN (or stubborn refusal to spend a tenner)

Le Weekend

cell swarm TIRED.

The weekend brings a most welcome trip to Bath and a visit with M; i’m greatly looking forward to whiling away many an hour talking about the same old shit we happily witter on about.

Sign of a great friend: you can always pick up the conversation where you left off, no matter how long it’s been.

Bike update: I have discovered hills. And I do not like them. ALSO: The mudguards didn’t fit, so I ordered fancier ones (hooray for payday) but they seem to be adrift in the post, or at work, as they haven’t appeared in the office yet. Hmmph. Anyway, if it isn’t too wet I hope to go for another spin on my lovely grey chariot woooooo.

Other than that, trying to be a snug bug as economically as possible.

Why is human hibernation not a thing?

Image: Work stuff I was doing – Kids are looking at microscopic worlds, so I got them to draw cells on themselves with eyeliner. As I do.
Comments Off on Le Weekend