Monthly Archives: February 2013

Leia’s Mum – Work – Valentines

Things that have been circling around my brain over the last couple of weeks:

Leia Ewok Village’s Mum has been diagnosed with something that fulfills the saying, Life: A Terminal Disease. This has been upsetting, in that this is the first close friend whose parent has been given an estimate as to how much life they might have to live. Her Mum’s been very ill with an infection, so as well as having to deal with her diagnosis, Leia’s had to deal with her Mum needing quite a lot of care to get her back to a happy medium.

Leia and her Mum are pretty much on their own, with no close family nearby, and it has been difficult for me being a train ride away when she could do with some support. Taking personal time off at work is always very difficult if the reason is not a close member of your family, so i’ve had to write and text. Me and Flambé went to see her over the weekend, and it was great to all be together, but I felt sad that we had to leave, knowing that then she would be alone again.

Better news today in that Mrs Ewok Village is being discharged on Friday hurrah, and that the hospital are arranging some help with care and meals so that Leia can get back to work if she wants. Knowing how things are, however, I will be amazed if any of this proffered help actually materialises, as the NHS and social care working together is an unusual event.

What else. Oh, WORK. God. I’m not happy, and although i’m trying to hide it, I don’t want to be there and it occasionally shows. I was talking to the head of Drama and she was concurring with my yawning, saying that she was exhausted and that the creativity had gone from her teaching, and how it made her sad. I was in total agreement with her statement.

Aside from finding a new job, I could really do with a break, so half term is going to be incredibly welcome. I’m tiiiiired. I’m going to spend a few days with my brother, as the parentals are away, so we can do some sibling bonding. I am muchly looking forward to it.

Unpacking – Not much has happened. I’ve got some fabulous curtains courtesy of my Mum’s sewing skills, but I can’t put them up as I can’t reach the rail. I might have to borrow another ladder. Yikes. I’ve got quite a bit of art to put up on the walls (Hello Crockett) but I need to buy some frames; I’ve been drooling over the linocuts on Etsy, and I am looking forward to seeing the couple of things i’ve recently ordered:

Boston Boston Terrier with Pink Antlers
by Stuff You’ll Love
























and

Ow. Prickly Heart Linocut
by Carol Bold

























What with work being so unsatisfying, i’ve been thinking about the Summer and what i’m going to do. Can I afford to go on holiday, or would my time be better spent – and less money spent – by staying at home and doing some art or making plans for the future as to how I can enrich my life a bit more. Last year I said “Maybe next year” when I was feeling down about the holidays, but I don’t know whether I can afford to do so this year. Sigh.

Oh, HELLO Valentines Day. How I have missed you.

barf

Valentines last year: For the first time in my life, the day coincided with my being in a relationship, and I received my first every Valentines card (that I forgot to bring back with me…). I was paying my second visit to Pittsburgh, and I was soooo happy and excited to be in the company of Coppell and Meathead. It was very snowy, and possibly one of my most cherished memories of my trip – and of our relationship – is of taking Meathead out for a wee whilst her master slept in.

It was a beautiful morning – full sun with crystal clear blue skies – and the snow was deep and powdery – my trainers were not exactly suitable for the conditions! As Meathead scampered about the field snuffling for a suitable wee spot, I giggled with glee as she led me along on the lead. The snow sparkled beneath us and I felt I was experiencing some special pure joyous moment.

Sigh.
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A Cottage For Sale
Judy Garland Show, #2

Her face is mesmerising, the performance stunning. God, the emotion. Perfect.
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Not My Kind Of Town

So there was a job teaching art in Chicago at an International School that came up recently; I could *totally* do the job, and the idea of fleeing the country – and my life here – was highly appealing.

I spent over a week crafting my letter of application, only to get turned down the day after I sent it in.

This has saddened me more than I thought it would.

I’m fed up. Things are nowhere as bad as they were last Summer, but i’m pretty disheartened with work. I’m tired of the same bullshit cropping up every year, and i’m starting to wonder whether teaching is ever going to be right for me, given what is happening in education as a whole.

Everything could be better, if I just wasn’t living this life. Which, turning that around, I am saying that my life is unsatisfying, and I am looking for something or someone white knight-style to ride in and rescue me. Which is utterly ridiculous. Moving somewhere to “escape” would probably mean that the problems I ponder would just follow me there.

I look to a life without a partner, which is sensible, given the likelihood of this happening, and life expectancy. This is absolutely fine the majority of the time, but occasionally someone will ask me if i’m seeing anyone and then suddenly my eyes are a little more moist and I feel a pang of emotion in my chest, all from seemingly nowhere.

I’m still on OKCupid, but I check it infrequently as I am resigned to there being no-one of interest on there; colleagues I talk to about it don’t understand why I am not dating. There’s just… nothing…

The job application gave me something to hope for, and something to work towards, and now it’s back to Earth with a sniffle.
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