This is after six months of ZERO communication.
He’d said he’d been thinking of me because it’s the time of year we got together, and that he’d thought of me frequently over the last six months. He said he didn’t contact me, as he thought i’d be going through a hard time, and that he didn’t want to reach out in a “moment of weakness”.
He said he wanted to let me know he’d moved out of town, something I already knew (thanks, internet), so that I could “stroll freely” near my home. Yeah, because spending six months worrying every time I went out of my front door i’d bump into him (he lived just round the corner) was just hi-larious.
I explained to him how i’d made a lot of progress, but that the last six months had been incredibly hard at times, how try-as-I-might I still think of him, and how I know the next six months are going to be difficult too, as the memories of the time we spent together will pop up to haunt me.
I’m dreading Christmas.
Anyway, he proceeded to tell me how in all his relationships since me he’s been “open and transparent” with everyone as he didn’t want to cause anyone as much upset as he did me, and that it “broke his heart” to see how upset I was. That he’s been dating and enjoys the freedom of being non-monogamous.
He also told me that instead of reaching out to me, he’d focused on his diet and exercised a lot, and had lost 27kg. And how women openly flirt with him and how it’s “shocking”.
He thanked me for being supportive about his body when he was “fat”; I replied that I loved him, and support comes as standard when you care deeply for someone. I asked how Meathead was. He didn’t furnish me with any information.
I asked if the only thing he regretted with regards “us” is that he didn’t tell me he wanted a non-monogamous relationship. He said yes. I thanked him for the insight.
HOLY FUCK. What to say?
“You want praise for your weight loss? You want to be told how ‘hot’ you are now? You want to be congratulated on not fucking over other women? I am not the one to seek validation from.“It’s my own fault for even engaging him in correspondence, but it’s clear that there’s a part of me that still longs for answers, where there really aren’t any to find. I can analyse the man’s actions ’til the cows mosey on home, but that’s involving myself in something I need to move beyond.
I just could not believe why on earth anyone would write to their ex, who they dumped, who they’d made very clear they never wanted to hear from ever again, and spend the time writing about how great their fucking life was. WHY would anyone do that?
So I wrote him a detailed email providing a bit of guidance to help with his reflection – not a strong point of his – outlining just what he did that was wrong. I told him his emails were upsetting, and that I thought the best thing would be to never contact me unless
1. He wants to fill me in on Meathead’s progress
2. He wants to engage in some considered, deep reflection on his actions in our relationship, or
3. He’s being monogamous.
I think it’s the memories of our time together and the darkening days and chillier weather the prompts me, but I really feel like I just can’t be bothered with men right now. I just want a better place to live and a dog. That is all.