Monthly Archives: September 2012



“Love’s the only engine of survival.”
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September – Delicate Flowers – The Future – Gonzales

What else? After getting on reasonably well via email, I had a hilariously bad virtual date with a financier from Geneva; he said I was “unusually aggressive” and that he wasn’t used to such a thing. After the terrible video chat I received a message saying that although I was a “very endearing person”, I had “systematically bashed” him, which he considered “mean-spirited” and thus did not wish to continue things. I was more than happy to agree to disagree, and I found the whole thing pretty confusing. If someone asks for my opinion, they should be prepared to receive one back. Delicate flowers ahoy.

Kennebec and me share the occasional email, but nothing of particular depth. This still makes me feel a little sad. I’m currently in the process of arranging a meet with a guy based in London, so we’ll see how that goes, but as seems to be par for the course, there’s no-one locally of interest. I answer many messages from many men, but no-one’s local, or they believe that “a man should be head of the family” and the like.

My boss was asking last week if i’m back “dating” post-Coppell; I said of course, i’m looking, but there’s no-one out there. Quite a few people don’t seem to understand this; they think that i’m not “ready to date”, but I am. Not that I really date- I exist, and maybe one day someone will notice me.

Or not.

So I continue to browse Boston Terriers for sale, look at dog equipment and Ikea furniture and do my sums on my spreadsheet; I watch Great British Bake Off and Hawaii Five-0 and Person of Interest and try to squirrel away money for the future, whatever that turns out to be. What have I got to look forward to? Well, if I move home, less money to put towards my savings but hopefully a better quality of life.

Oh, as well as emotional shit, October brings Gonzales at the Barbican with the BBC Symphony Orchestra of all things. This is something I can most definitely say I am looking forward to. Wooooo!
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September – Coppell – Keeping Busy – Confidence

Hmm… what else. As I flipped the month over on my Elvgren Pin Ups calendar, I saw “[Coppell] 1st non-date :)” written in a neat hand on one of the days. Yes, it’ll soon be one year ago we first met, and six months since I last saw him and Meathead.

He’s not in my town any more, which is a bit of a relief, as I won’t have to worry about bumping into him; at the same time I still miss Meathead very much, probably more than I miss Coppell. I still think of him, and try to keep busy to fill my head with other things; I know however, that it’s going to be a long time before I can think of him neutrally, and not feel anger or upset when I do so.

I’m acutely aware that i’m heading into dangerous territory as the Autumn progresses; as Christmas approaches I know I will be reminded of my time in Pittsburgh.

Keeping busy has involved going into London a lot to view art and/or meet up with friends; this has not been easy on my finances however. I went to see Raiders of the Lost Ark on an Imax screen with Caversham Princess and it was AMAZING, though the very small portions and cramped conditions at Wahaca South Bank not so much. I will say I enjoyed the hibiscus aguas frescas and churros. Yum.

I attended a wine and cheese evening on my own, where I knew no-one; I had a good time, getting pretty drunk and getting on well with a number of people, especially with a bespectacled man with a dry wit, who was happily married with kids. Haha. Anyway, I feel pleased I did something that was out of my comfort zone, and it gets me out the house, which is important.

Something i’ve noticed recently is that i’m more confident in regards some things, for example in my interactions with people. This is a direct result of what happened with Coppell I think, and is not a negative at all.
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September – Work – Housing

So, what’s the state of play?

School has been back a month now, and it’s the busiest start to a school year that I can remember. Management are trying to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes, so i’m having to put my union hat on and step up, which is a little scary if i’m honest.

A BIG problem is that the members of my union are far too willing to roll over and take it, choosing to ignore the guidance given from the union and going with their own opinions. This means anything collective doesn’t work, as people don’t like standing up to be counted, so safety in numbers goes out the window.

I don’t get the things I need to get done 8.30-4.30, even though i’m focused and working for the majority of the day, so i’m still keeping an eye out for a new position elsewhere. Yes, I do work outside of those times, but part of me is stubborn and thinks that we shouldn’t have to work so hard to keep treading water. Grr.

Months back I decided that my priority should be moving on, and that anything else should wait until this is achieved. Anything else covered moving home to somewhere less scummy and getting a dog, two things that would probably be good for me in the long term.

Saying all that, at the weekend I went to look at a studio flat that is much better than where i’m currently living, that the agent who manages my building let me know about. What I thought i’d set in stone actually turns out to be as set as jelly; plans are changing as I consider this new development. Things are very up in the air as to whether anything will actually happen, but i’d be a fool not to pursue it.
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Falling Off The Wagon

I really have fallen off the blogging wagon, haven’t I? A combination of work, being tired, union shit, spending time writing to men on t’internet and generally flat out laziness is at fault.

This weekend brings Caversham Princess and Raiders of the Lost Ark on a mother fucking Imax screen. If you guessed that i’m more than a little excited about seeing Indy twenty-two metres high, you’d be more than right. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
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Tick Tock Tick Tock

Horrible feeling inside of a sort of itchiness, where I know the only cure is sleep, and maybe a cry in the shower. It’s the itch from wanting to feel hands running over the skin of my back, squeezing my muscles and reminding me I’m alive through the sensation of breath being pushed from my innards.
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Yes. I am indeed still alive, just MEGA lazy on the updating. I actually have things to write about too. Get it together woman.
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