Responsibility and Routine

Weird feeling over the last couple of days (yeah, just a little something extra in addition to falling head-over-heels for someone 3679 miles away): I feel like I have an additional responsibility to look after myself and have a good time.

It’s like I need to do so because someone is caring about my wellbeing and sort of counting on me, and I don’t want them to be concerned. When I was going around Sainsburys this afternoon a tiny voice in my head reminded me not to take the easy way out and buy crap but to eat well. This did not of course stop me from buying pie, but at least I made sure I had a wide variety of vegetables :D

Last night I was introduced to the delights of Skype and due to the five hour time difference I found myself seriously tired today at work. I’ve thought about how I can make LateNightHotSkypeAction work better for me on school nights and I think I should get myself showered and warm and toasty before I settle down to chat, as otherwise i’m going to run out of steam.

On the subject of fatigue, I do have some concerns as to how things can be kept going when we’re so far apart for such a long period. There is *no* way i’m going to run off with another oilman, but it’s certainly going to be hard going at times to be separated from someone you’d really, really like to spend a lot of time with.

I’m really hoping that we can see each other – beyond our webcams – before the New Year, and that thought is keeping me going. Thinking about it in terms of numbers of weekends it doesn’t seem as bad: Ten weekends until I break up from school for Christmas.

Also, HeadFrack (i’m reconsidering that nickname) keeps on proving his awesomeness. That helps. A lot :)

2 Responses to Responsibility and Routine

  1. Head Frack says:

    In terms of looking after ones’ self, may I add a couple of thoughts? I think — and I’m certainly open to additional insight here — personal health is a multifaceted thing. We should consider our physical health (exercise, nutrition, access to sleep and sex and clean air, water and security) as well as our psychological health. And to ensure we’re addressing our psychological needs we should list them out. Think about your own psychological needs over time. What were they? How did you, or did you not, address them? What resources do you currently have at your disposal to address those needs? Take some time to think about this. Focus on it for several days. Write it down. Then write down what you can do to address those needs.

    Do you need friendship? What kind of friendship? The kind you get from strangers at the grocery? Or two very close friends that you’ve known for years? Or are 10-12 very casual friends quite enough for you?

    Do you need regular interaction with family? Are there people in your life that fill this emotional need who aren’t your relatives? What about the parents and siblings of your friends?

    Think about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. What are your needs in each of the levels?

    Something tells me that pie is definitely a need (though not in large quantities). But so are human interactions — sometimes 3500 miles away and sometimes closer. Don’t be afraid to address your own personal needs aggressively. You only live once. And when it is over, we’re all just worm food and a memory.

    • monky says:

      Don’t go making me think, HF. I have long enough To Do lists at work :)

      Last night I finally finished my book on psychopathy and towards the end there was a sentence in it about women subjugating their aspirations, needs and personality to their psychopathic partner in order to reduce conflict and tension. This struck a chord in me, not because I’ve dated a psychopath but how well it described my past behaviours.

      My Mother was a role model for me when growing up with regards putting the needs of others before personal needs; I think as girls we are raised to sacrifice, be appealing, submissive. I know that many women struggle with keeping their identity and fulfilling their needs/desires when raising a family, and I think it’s only now that me and my bro are adults and my parents are retired that some semblance of pre-children self-determination can come back.

      Aaanyway, I feel happier and more, ahem, well-rounded at the moment than at any point in the last few years. I’m happier in my own skin and less likely to beat myself up over other people’s opinions of me, though ill-informed opinions still piss me off. Growth and all that :D It is however very easy to slip back into pleasing other people, and for the wrong reasons. I think I could start small by looking at my needs within a relationship as that’s what I’m spending a fair bit of time thinking about at the mo :)

      Am reading through some Maslow stuff and pondering my social network. Lists might occur some time this century.

      Worm food and a memory and a non-black, non-shiny granite, non-bright gold lettered headstone if you please :)

      http://www.creativereview.co.uk/cr-blog/2010/october/peter-saville-anthony-wilson-headstone