Monthly Archives: September 2011


It looks like the “cultural speed dating” tomorrow evening that i’d been looking forward to for three weeks has been cancelled.

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Jurassic Motherfucking Park

Jurassic Park

This evening I took a trip back in time to 1993 and watched Jurassic Park on the big screen. It was AWESOME.

JP is one of my faaaavourite films; it may not be intellectually challenging – people in another screen were watching the critically-acclaimed Faust live from the Royal Opera House – but for a Summer blockbuster it is a masterwork. They certainly don’t make ’em like they used to. Blockbusters of today pale in comparison, and I include LotR and Potter in this assessment.

I’ve seen JP on the small screen many times since it came out but there were a few things I noticed when watching it in all its digitally-projected glory on the big screen:

  • The CGI and animatronic dinosaurs still stand up to scrutiny EIGHTEEN years on.
  • All of the actors looked “normal” i.e. were not skinny, overly-preened individuals.
  • It’s an interactive CD-ROM! You touch the screen and it talks about whatever you want.” BRILLIANT.
  • Jeff Goldblum all sweaty and sexxay-lookin‘ with his shirt unbuttoned still elicits a guffaw.
  • High waisted, stone-washed jeans galore.
I remember that back in 1993 I went to see it with some girls from my form; the next day when we were messing around during hockey I ran around the pitch pretending to be a Velociraptor. Heh. And you wonder why some people consider me “different”… :D

Only thing that could have improved the evening was to have sat through the original trailers attached when it was first released. I’d take a guess that they might have included Addams Family Values, Wayne’s World 2, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit and Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Gems the lot of them i’m sure you’ll agree… :D
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All this perusing of men-in-peril has reminded me of my degree show work: I’ve always meant to digitise all the documentation and put something together online that would contain images, info and be searchable. On a, yes-that’s-warped-but-on-a-positive-note at least it would be something to do that does not involve nail varnish.

Must get reading up on custom fields and actually find where the fuck I have stored all the files…

An oldie but a goodie: Ask Dr Scully. Every mishap suffered by either X-File-er.
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McGarrett Gets Shanked

Action Man (or should I say GI Joe) escapes from prison after getting stabbed with a screwdriver-based shank by Spike from Buffy. He then goes on the lam in an attempt to find, and wreak justified revenge upon, the man who killed his Father The Grim Reaper: The Chairman from Iron Chef America. Whilst attempting to accomplish this task, an unfortunate lack of sufficient blood available puts a bit of a crimp in his day and so he heads on over to Hiro Nakamura’s to get patched up.

It all makes perfect sense. Honest.

Drama, violence, injury, tattooed muscles and manfur agogo in one immensely appealing prime-time entertainment mélange. Good times!

mcgarrett mcgarrett

Seriously. Look at this man. I could objectify him allll day…
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…I am *so* excited about the first episode of the second series of Hawaii Five-0 I am actually making screencaps. Yes.
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Thinking Back To What You Knew

A new development: a wistfulness more frequently encountered than it has been in many a month. I notice its presence when i’m tired or at the end of a stressful day at work, and of course, on a Sunday evening. A small yet noticeable feeling of aloneness that gnaws at the edges of my day. I find myself missing physical contact too, the tactile side of things, not necessarily sex.

What to do about it? Get in the pool on a more regular basis. Read more. Bake more cake :D Let less washing up pile up :) Pay extra attention to the contours of my body and the feel of my skin when I shower. Take solace in Crockett and Tubbs Season One.
Crockett, you dumbfuck, don’t you know Gina loves you?
Gaining new intimate experiences is a good thing but one off events obviously cannot compare to the intimacy found in something more long term; your partner knows you better so is more familiar with your needs. It’s just not the same when you’re having to provide instructions at every turn- I’d quite like not to have to do the teaching thing when i’m supposed to be er, “relaxing”.

So when i’m in bed and my thoughts turn to the erotic, if there’s an identifiable face to my fantasies it’s not Phoenix that comes to mind but MW#1. Doesn’t happen very often – most of the time me and my grey-eyed fantasy man do just fine – but two years on and still he lurks in a small corner of my brain. This makes me feel sad for a number of reasons: firstly, I haven’t managed to erase memories of him because I haven’t met anyone else, secondly thinking of him makes me feel bad because I shouldn’t feel the smallest bit kindly about someone whose behaviour – for years – made me feel deeply unhappy.

I guess it comes down to have needs that aren’t being met, but knowing that there’s no quick-fix.

Stop beating yourself up, brain and go have a long hot shower.

Speaking of my Fantasy Man- It may interest you readers to know that once I send something out onto Teh Internets and onto this blog, I rarely re-read the junk I have spent time and energy so carefully crafting. I don’t know why. Anyways, I just re-read that Dream Wedding post I wrote about my salt-and-pepper man nearly a year ago and am struck at how sweet it is.

I am such a crushed romantic I should puke.
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I feel like getting out my Russian Red after watching this.

Suzanne & I
Anna Calvi
from Anna Calvi 2011

What a track.
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Religion II

Religion II
Public Image Ltd.
from First Issue 1978

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Little Joe

Joe Joe Joe Re-watching Season One of Miami Vice and was reminded of the sort-of-attractive-but-super-creepy qualities of Joe Dallesandro.

I’ve not seen any of Warhol’s films with him in – to my shame – but what I have caught him in (Vice and The Limey) he does seem to be able to actually act, despite the emphasis on physique.

Interesting fellow.

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Rabbit vs. VW

A small bunny hopped into the path of my car today as I was motoring up the slip road to join the flow of traffic on the motorway; as I noticed it sl-o-w-l-y hop onto the tarmac I inwardly cringed and hoped against hope that it would fit underneath the car and not get squished by the wheels.

Wonderfully, it did manage to avoid them, but not before the plastic skirting on the underside of the car collided with it with a sickening POP. As I looked in the rear view I expected to see an explosion of insides turned out but all I saw was a fuzzy, immobile pile of formerly hopping rabbit.


(I had to look that one up)

Still feel a bit nauseous thinking about it; I know there’s nothing that could have been done but still, a largish creature is no longer alive. I need a healing cup of tea.

Such a softy lame-o, me.
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Star Wars Cantina

“Her name was Leia
She was a princess
With a Danish on each ear
And Darth Vader drawing near
So R2-D2
Found Ben Kenobi
He’d have to put the Death Star plans
Into the rebellion’s hands
So Luke and Obi-Wan
Had to get to Alderaan
So they stopped into Mos Eisley to have a drink with Han”

Mark Jonathan Davis (AKA Richard Cheese)

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Lounge Against The Machine

Over the weekend I managed to become rather taken with Richard Cheese and Lounge Against The Machine.

Lounge covers of pop, rock and rap isn’t exactly something new but they do it so very, very well.

The delivery is spot on and the combination of silky vocals and occasional comedy styling is a winning one. Every single album contains gold.

I would highly recommend:

Rape Me (“Here’s one for the ladies”)
Hey Ya
Somebody Told Me

At my Fantasy Wedding – you know, that one where I was to actually find someone that met my minimum standards and money was no object – Richard Cheese & LAtM would totally be my reception entertainment; they cost $20K to hire out for overseas work.

Them or The Dan Band. I think Dick Cheese would work better for mingling.

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Dead Head

Vanitas Vanitas
Barthel Bruyn
(1493 – 1555)
(see explanation below)

When I worked at the hideous art and craft store one of my responsibilities was to make sure that the “colour” was kept tidy and ordered and doing so was one of my favourite tasks.

I would pull out all of the pencils, pastels, paints etcetera and organise them a shade at a time in rainbow order. It passed some time. As I would do so I would learn a bit about the colours by reading the labels and I particularly enjoyed the ones that were mega toxic (hello cadmium yellow and flake white) or had peculiar, evocative names (Gamboge, Quinacridone Magenta, Hookers Green).

A favourite was Caput mortuum, a sort of dark purple-red-brown; I liked it because of the Latin and how suggestive of dooooooom it seemed to be.

Anyway, Wikipedia tells me that an alternative name for Caput mortuum is Mummy brown, which, you guessed it, was actually made from ground up Egyptian mummies. BRILLIANT.
Time – Techniques: The Passing of Mummy Brown
Friday, Oct. 02, 1964

“One of the favorite colors of the Pre-Raphaelite painters was called Mummy Brown — and not out of joking affection. It was a warm pigment made from the bitumen used by ancient Egyptians to embalm their dead, famed for its preservative powers.”

“But now even Mummy Brown is gone altogether. Geoffrey Roberson-Park, managing director of London’s venerable C. Roberson color makers, regretfully admits that the firm has run out of mummies. ‘We might have a few odd limbs lying around somewhere,’ he apologized, ‘but not enough to make any more paint. We sold our last complete mummy some years ago for, I think, £3. Perhaps we shouldn’t have. We certainly can’t get any more.'”
Further info on the painting above:
“Placecard next to the skull reads in Latin: Omnia morte cadunt, mors ultima linia rerum.

“In English translation: Everything passes with death, death is the ultimate limit of all things.” [via]
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El bosque animado

El bosque animado (edited) by .Bambo. [cc]

So, it’s back to the chalkface once again. My teaching load should, in theory, be more easily managed this year as I have more KS4 and KS5 (Years 10-13) than KS3. Last year I struggled to keep on top of *four* Year 8 groups alongside one Year 7 and two Year 9s; even though I wrote down what I had done with which 8s and what I was planning to do, inevitably mistakes would be made and so I would often begin the lesson by asking the class “So, who would like to remind everyone what we did last lesson?” Skillz.

This morning as I drove into work I could feel the car bumping and crunching over fallen acorns strewn en masse across the car park. Ah, Autumn, I’ve missed you. The weather change has me getting all pleased over the tights, knitwear and coats appearing in the shops, and it’s nice not to spend energy on wishing the Summer was dryer and warmer because that boat has officially sailed.

Much as it’s often a pain in the arse when it actually comes, I find myself enjoying the drudgery of Winter and empathise much more with the cooler months. New school year, new challenges, new excuses to spend some cash and change a little style. Huzzah.

Since i’ve got back from Paris i’ve fiiiinally been to visit M in Bath (having an *awesomesauce* time), kept up with the Pilates, caught up with Nitram and got drunken in honour of Leia Ewok Village’s birthday along with McCy and Flambé. I’ve begun slowly to upgrade my underwear – an excellent excuse to peruse lingerie sites – and sent off three huuuge packets of my old underwear to new homes, where hopefully they’ll find admirers and bring happiness. Took aages to handwash everything, but it frees up a bit of space and makes me feel good to pass nice things on to my friends.

Still not been able to find the perfect pair of black knickers… I am eternally hunting for a pair that is just the right size, of good quality cotton, hits the perfect medium between skimpy and granny knickers and fits my body well, rather than cut into me or hang off the full bottom I don’t have. No extraneous edging, just plain and smooth. Oh, and DOES NOT SHRINK to the size below after one wash at 30, let alone degrees. It’s apparently too much to ask.

As well as Gonzales to look forward to there’s Bobby Convey’s upcoming birthday and “cultural speed dating” at a local museum/gallery. Sounds like it should be brilliant, even if everyone is too old for me or earns no salary by doing wood craft and building coracles (yes, someone messaged me who does this). Can get a little tipsy and wander the closed-to-the-public museum whilst gushing effusively just how much I dislike particular artworks.

Still not got my ear pierced. My Mum has got both ears done though for the first time in ooh, around fifteen years; this is rather pleasing as it indicates her giving things a go- Hurrah. She’s also picked out her silicone nipple :D


Suck My Kiss
from Blood Sugar Sex Magik 1991

from One Hot Minute 1995

Around The World
from Californication 1999

Can’t Stop
from By The Way 2002

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That’s All Folks

Cannon fuse glued to plywood. “That’s All Folks” by Scott Campbell [via]
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Hail To The King

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