Gash – Grind – Freedom


SUCK IT SUCK MA GASH

As noticed upon the hand of one of the kids in my school; noticed and then photographed by me for posterity.

Jokes.

I’ve been *SUPER* lame at writing over the last wee – ahem, large – while. Hopefully my motivation will improve as I move towards a break from the kiddies.

Motivation in general has been pretty low of late- laundry and pots and pans piling up waiting to be washed, recycling waiting to be taken out, shower lacking a working light or fan as I haven’t been bothered to ask to get it fixed… General lame-o across the board. I can say however that I have managed to set foot so-to-speak in an honest to goodness swimming pool. Le shock.

The end of the week and thus the end of term simply cannot arrive quick enough; this week I am going to do Christmas stuff whenever and wherever possible- festive “sun” catchers (AKA pale and dim short day light-catchers), Chinese paper art snowflakes, fingerprint wrapping paper, winter-themed worksheets- Something different from the usual grind.

I am looking forward to many days of sleeping in and DS-ing; I am going to visit the family for a week over the festive period so I am also looking forward to unlimited food and Sky on tap. And seeing my family too, if not getting along with quite all of them.

No dates to speak of but a few online conversations; I was supposed to meet up with one of my pen pals in Lahndahn tahn – Codename: Blue Note – but all fell through at the last minute. Bit of a shame as it would have been nice to meet up face-to-face and also to go out somewhere but nonetheless I was happy to be able to go run errands and buy junk food for dinner instead. Hee.

Started conversing with someone younger than I would usually go for mainly because he had the most amazingly deep blue eyes (!) – unfortunately I should have paid closer attention to his answers to some of the OKCupid questions. So that’s a no-goer. I keep on keeping on.

Every now-and-then I find myself thinking about MW#1, wondering how he is, what he’s up to; I know I must not have anything to do with him- not check his Twitter etc. – as I know that he is still more than capable of upsetting me.

I value the equilibrium I now have, the relative contentment with how I pass my time, but I also know that it is a fragile thing and that I would be very foolish to upset that balance, literally. I miss sex and intimacy and I miss the company of men, the excitement of something new, but I don’t miss being manipulated at another’s whim or feeling deeply unhappy. A little progress, gently taken.

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