Monthly Archives: August 2010
Birthday/Leaving party for Leia Ewok Village this evening; I am sad she is off but happy, especially as i’ve spent some of the evening dancing to MADNESS. WOOOO.
I danced the twist wearing the silver Birkenstocks woo hoo; it hurt me knees- I am old. And yes alcohol was consumed.
Now bed and Patrick and some more Nintendo :D
Oh dear. Just as I loved playing with Lego when I was younger – and to this day if i’m given the chance – I have become well into Lego… Lego Star Wars on the DS that is.
I have spent hours playing it and it is so very satisfying – two childhood obsessions combined together. EEE. My thumbs are getting numb already…
Grand Tetons Panorama by Little Mountain 5 [cc]
Years ago I saw an image of a National Park in one of my Mum’s many National Geographic magazines; this image of the view through a window onto vast green grass with a cerulean sky and snow-capped mountains in the distance made quite the impact, and since then i’ve trawled through images of various parks to see if I could find what I remember seeing all those years ago.
I think Grand Teton National Park fits the bill, or at least I can’t be sure what I remembered so many years ago but it seems to sum up what I have in my minds eye. It is a deeply beautiful place…
So now at 3am I am planning trips I will never take, day(night)dreaming about places I will never stay at with someone that doesn’t exist.
I imagine getting excited about the breakfasts, the feeling of grass against my skin, the smell of wildflowers, seeing buffalo, watching wolves… I imagine feeling happy as I experienced all these things and more and feeling deeply content as I curled up at the end of the day all warm and fuzzy with someone who gets all mushy over me and I over them.
Today I went to see Toy Story 3. I knew that things were going to be “interesting” when I started to tear up during the wonderful introductory short film – Day & Night – before weeping at the first instance of You’ve Got A Friend In Me. Oh dear.
I officially lost my shit at the point where the toys are heading towards “certain” incendiary doom; alone in a auditorium full of kids and families, there I sat struggling to stop the tears flowing- Thank goodness it was dark! I was all stained by the final credits. Nice…
Anyway, felt like complete shite afterwards so am taking my mood-altering tonic in the form of steak and garlic potatoes and a cold glass of white.
Who knew medicine could be so tasty…?
My knees ache. Is it the weather? Could it be age?
The weather outside is not the most inviting; it seems like September couldn’t be bothered turning up and so the end of October has taken its place. I am most put out that I have to stop wearing my Birkenstocks and wear “proper” shoes. BOO.
Everything is so grey. I feel like I should be wearing my woolly hat whilst I type and should be swathed in my orange blanket to fend off the Winter bleugh.
Only a week to go before my return to the chalkface and I am not looking wardward to going back. I have four Year 8 groups. UGH. At least I can say that all the kids I taught got what they deserved results-wise; I may have short hair and wear a lime green hoodie but hey, I do a good job with my pupils. Apart from marking…!
I met up with Leia Ewok Village yesterday and we did coffee and consumables before wandering around town. She’s off on a two month trip around SE Asia in a week; I will be sad to see her go but at the same time I am so happy that she is getting to do something so awesome.
I’ve noticed that when I meet up with people I seem to feel a bit down at the beginning of whatever we’re doing and that when i’m back on my own I often go back to feeling glum. A slump, like. Lots of staring into space thinking about things.
Maybe it’s the weather.
Katherine by Agent Provocateur
Oh to have £75 to spend on knickers and someone to show them to…
My time on OKCupid is proving to be brilliant Summer holiday entertainment. I may never meet anyone i’d like to actually meet up with but you sure can have some interesting conversations…
It’s nice to have rambling conversations with different men – safe, interesting and good in that they hopefully realise I can rub two brain cells together and are not swayed by my appearance so much. I get lots of attention when i’m wearing the paint but nowt when i’m plain civilian, so the fact that i’m just a collection of photos and lots of words is a good thing.
At the moment i’m having a very in-depth conversation about feminism with some American who’s not even in the country; totally unproductive but it gives me something to do and stimulates my brain a little.
Of course, the screen can’t run its fingers through my hair or curl up under a duvet and be warm and fuzzy with me. Ho hum.
Here’s what I think is quite a good comment on happiness:
‘One last thing on happiness: there’s the temporary one, which lasts a few hours or minutes every so often when you’re with your “friends” in cybersexland, and then there’s the permanent happiness, which is planning kids, seeing them learn words in front of your eyes, sharing experiences with your partner, going to the DIY shop to buy a garden shed for your lawnmower and summer pot plants, and quite importantly, being thankful there’s someone to eat with at mealtimes.’From Guardian – I am engaged, but secretly using chatrooms for sex
‘Good luck deciding – when it comes to sexual feelings, there really is no logic, so I’m not envious of you. It’s up to you, but if I were in your shoes, I’d prefer to have a bit of intelligent company’
Ain’t No Doubt About It
As heard in a changing room and Googled upon return home… I’m loving this Neptunes Trousersnake action.
So the Fauxhawk is gone and I now bear a pixie, which from what I can remember was the Brownie Six I was in. I always wanted to be a Kelpie or a Leprechaun… they seemed *so* much more exciting than a bor-ing Pixie. But, here I am, twenty years later…
It looks good and it feels nice to have such short hair. Low maintenance indeed, however i’ve a feeling that it will need a bit more frequent trimming than i’m used to. Or what will probably happen is i’ll let it grow out because i’m lazy and then one day will get pissed off with it’s unmanageability and actually do something about it. WIN.
Not having my hair be the centrepiece of my outfit? What to do…
Could It Be I’m Falling In Love
Look at the outfits the dance moves the mirrors…
Day in town with a colleague ranting on about all and sundry and a post-dinner evening of The Hunt For Red October accompanied with a plate of cubed granary bread, dishes of olive oil and balsamic vinegar, cheese and slices of charcuterie.
Haircut tomorrow and I am leaning towards something other than The Fauxhawk (shock)… Something short, perhaps pixie-related. Don’t want a fringe to get in the way and get covered in paint or crud as I sweep it off my face; it would also be nice to have something I could spike up if I wanted to. Low maintenance is key… Laziness is all :D
A Woman Waits for Me
“Now I will dismiss myself from impassive women,[via]
I will go stay with her who waits for me, and with those
women that are warm-blooded sufficient for me,
I see that they understand me and do not deny me,
I see that they are worthy of me, I will be the robust
husband of those women.
They are not one jot less than I am,
They are tann’d in the face by shining suns and blowing winds,
Their flesh has the old divine suppleness and strength,
They know how to swim, row, ride, wrestle, shoot, run,
strike, retreat, advance, resist, defend themselves,
They are ultimate in their own right–they are calm, clear,
well-possess’d of themselves.”
Full, beautifully carnal poem here
A rather brilliant day spent round at my lovely colleague’s house in the company of her fab husband and their two small kiddies – good conversation, dinner and entertainment woo hoo. Actually something to do other than sit around and gain inches; adult conversations to be had. Long discussions about films, legalising prostitution, atheism and the brainwashing of kids and what to do if you’re single and would like to have children; at turns hilarious and depressing. Multitask-tastic.
On the way to her house I had the unfortunate experience of having to drive past the field where I knew in all probability MW#1 was training – and indeed lo and behold I saw footballers from afar but unfortunately/luckily I needed to actually drive my car *without* crashing it so I didn’t pick him out. Not such a good start to the day as I felt my stomach drop through the floor as I suddenly realised what day and time it was and my route. UGH.
Felt a bit out-of-sorts after that. On occasion I get an urge to move away, give back the gifts he gave me over the years, just dump them on his doorstep or hand them over to a friend. When I look at them I think of him and it would be nice not to be reminded; at the moment everything lives in a cardboard box where I am hopeful that one day I will be able to dig them out and not feel a twinge of UGH.
Today I received a message on OKCupid which was *somewhat* unexpected shall we say… I applaud the guy for being upfront about what he wants but it was still a “wee” bit weird to read the message that contained the following:
“I like to have some watersports fun in the bedroom, more specifically, I have a thing for wetting my pants, as in peeing them! Yes, I am genuine and no, this isn’t a wind-up though I appreciate it may seem so!”Good thing i’m a curious being… Teh Internets tells me this message is from some fucks trolling for responses… I am sad that I responded with a no thank you but well done on being open.
Being overly polite to a man who won’t take your defensive body language, verbal “No thanks” and removal of their hands from your person as a sign of not having the slightest of interest but decides to press on harassing you? One of the not-so-brilliant sides of being a woman.
“As women, we’re subliminally taught to be polite under duress. Because if we say no, or reject any sort of advance even if we do it kindly, we’re labeled a bitch. We don’t want you to join us when we’re eating alone? Bitch. We don’t want you to buy us a drink? Bitch. We don’t feel flattered when you catcall us on the street? Bitch. And the thing is, we have no way of knowing which one of you is going to snap and attack us.”Jezebel – Stop Hitting On Me.
It Ain’t The Meat
The life and work of Liz Cohen.
NYT – The Trabantimino: The Art of Building a Trabant Lowrider
artnet – AUTO-METAMORPHOSIS
OMG. Star Wars UNCUT
A New Hope divided into 15 second clips and re-filmed by fanboys and girls. Brilliance ahoy.
I finally finished and sent the final email to MW#1; it was very hard to write and I am left feeling very sad.
Let’s go Spinsterhood…
Last night I went to Heaven. Heaven the gay club off Charing Cross that is; me, Leia Ewok Village and Flambé took a late night, school night ramble into Lahndahn tahn to Popcorn at Heaven, a mixed night.
I don’t go clubbing very often and when I do I often feel let down and faaar too old for such things; last night I actually had a good, sober time- the music was better than any club i’ve been to in a long time. I decided to go as a Bride In Black – my rubber dress with lots of dark makeup and a long black veil nestling in my super-spiked hair; seemed appropriate given how i’ve been feeling lately about relationships.
When I first set foot on the floor during my bouncing up and down one of my boobs decided to try and make a break for it and escape from underneath its latex shield – oops. Luckily a bloke dancing next to me pointed up what was happening and I controlled the situation. He asked me whether I was out on my hen night, given my veil and all; he high-fived me when I said no, I just fancied wearing it. Hee.
Things that were not so good: The straight men, or more specifically the straight foreign men who would touch and pester me as I stood there minding my own fucking business – just because I am dressed in a certain way does not mean I want you to grab my arm or feel me up as I walk by you. I repeatedly had to remove hands from various parts of me. Ugh, it was fucking disgusting. I AM NOT A PIECE OF MEAT I AM A HUMAN BEING.
The natives were thankfully respectful, looking (and jaws dropping!) but not touching and would have an actual conversation with me; I got the impression that the not-from-around-here men were decidedly not up to speed with how women expect to be treated in this country. Wise up, wankers. I know it was a mixed night but I wasn’t expecting the ick-factor to be *so* high – The straights were letting the side down. Also grim were the straight couples grinding into each other in the middle of the floor- GET A ROOM.
Aside from the vomit-inducing stuff it was a great place to people watch – lots of eye candy, although I was a bit disappointed by the lack of manfur on show. Sigh.
A club night I would actually go to again. Le shock.
So, a mixed bag.
Friday and town for a present for my Mum’s birthday and a wander round the shops. Evening upset whilst writing final email to MW#1. Sigh.
Saturday: Lahndahn tahn with my Mum and a four hour lunch at The Forge in Covent Garden – the set menu was very good – Lobster linguine, steak frites, blackberry parfait. Yummyness. Did the usual thing of getting a little tipsy and talking about stuff for hours; had a bit of an uncomfortable conversation about the stress my Mum is under with regards my unemployed brother and my Dad. Suggested she see a councillor but she’s not very able to talk to strangers about how she feels; I noticed that as is usual she has a few burn marks on her arms from where she’s hurt herself in the kitchen. Suspicious but I can’t exactly ask, can I?
Sunday and I felt very low. I went into town to pick up some bits and pieces for an upcoming costume and when I caught sight of myself in shop windows and mirrors I thought “Fucking hell I look fed up and a bit of a mess!” Not really terribly good if you yourself are thinking that. Conversation was an effort and I had to remind myself to smile and act engaged with people I had to speak to. UGH.
Made a chocolate cake to go with rib eye and garlic potatoes; after my meat I felt a bit better. Medicinal purposes and all that.
A mixed bag of a weekend to go along with the decidedly mixed weather.
Shower, bed and Patrick. Some intensive nesting is required to banish the glum.
“After we started doing some trips, I realized when she’s not around me I’m a little bored, and that’s when I realized I was in love.”Aww. Love, older in Weddings and Celebrations.
Great coldness of the external
surface, with SUDDEN and complete
weakness consider Camphor.
Great coldness of the external
surface, with SUDDEN and complete
weakness consider CPR.
Jezebel – Crap Craigslist From A Dude: “Go Away Nicely And Quietly And Don’t Hate Me”
“Do you finally get it?Pertinent comment exchange:
I need you to move on. Go away nicely and quietly and don’t hate me.
I couldn’t bear it if you were hurt and angry with me, though it wouldn’t be the first time a female said they hated me.
I never meant to hurt you but you are not what I need at this point in my life.
I need someone who doesn’t want anything from me but a fun easy time and good sex.
You’re too special and deserve more. More which I cannot give to you now.
I can deal with monogamy, but I also need freedom to be able to just do as I please.
You’ll want a serious commitment which I can’t give you. Like I said, I can be loyal, I just need to know I am free and not shackled to any one female for longer than I want to be.”
“I know one of these. All he really wants is a travel/fuck-buddy, and to be left alone the rest of the time. He never asks about your life, work, health, etc. Until he gets really drunk and calls late at night, and tells you how lonely his life is, and how he wishes he had a partner to share it with.”
“He is 45.”
@fddb: “Ha! Yes. You described the archetypal Manhattan Man-Child. No real reason to grow up, have a relationship, confront icky things like feelings (or, conversely, spends a lot on therapy only to find out he’s just an asshole), yet secretly yearns for a meaningful life without having any idea how to do it. A frightening lack of maturity and self-awareness, pathological in its selfishness.”
“Also: serial internet dater.”
@fddb: “I’ve got three of these.”
“Wait five years until he realizes he’s the old guy at the club, marries a gold-digger and THEN calls you drunk at two in the morning.”
Today, in honour of one year without sex I sorted through and then threw out all my expired condoms.
Best of Yellowstone, Day 3: Old Faithful (Day) by Howard Ignatius [cc]
(stunning night version here)
National Geographic Expeditions: Winter Wildlife in Yellowstone – $2,995 (plus $620 single supplement)
Super cool six-day trip around Yellowstone National Park when there are fewer tourists and the wolves, moose and buffalo are more easily seen. Awesomeness.
Oh, to have a spare five grand…
The speed dating me and Leia Ewok Village were going to was cancelled due to low numbers; I actually felt a bit disappointed- Despite my repeated romantic crushing, silly old me still has hope. DUH.
As Leia put it
“…Too few people to hold the event indeed. We are all aware of the shortage of viable men [here]…”
A few pictures but hopefully not too many to bore…
Le Couvent Saint-François where I stayed.
My very priestly room in the Convent – I’ll be in my bunk. The top one to be precise.
The church of St. Marie where the religious-side of things took place. I loved the neon.
The second cake post-sword attack. I think more wedding cakes should come with a sword and sparklers.
The view from my towel on Sagone beach.