In a previous post I outlined my hopes that I could maybe find someone who could, one day be an appropriate person to knock me up and continue our species. Thinking back on what I wrote i’d like to expand a bit on my thoughts.
I don’t need to have children nor do I necessarily want to have children; I would just like to have the option of trying for one before biology takes that option away from me, or at least makes it very difficult. I think adoption is an admirable thing but there is something I find beguiling about the genetic roll-of-the-dice that is sexual reproduction.
Thinking about all of this – and I know that all of my friends ponder similarly – I realise that it’s all a serious undertaking and so requires a serious partner in crime, someone who will be responsible, available in an emotional and time-sense and be there for the long haul, or at least an extended period of time.
In a lot of areas in my life I feel that people don’t take me seriously. This could be my perception only but I doubt this; perhaps it’s because of how young I look, or my appearance or my femaleness or my loud laugh and excitement over the small things in this world. I don’t know. Relationship-wise, no-one has ever taken me seriously- I’ve always been the bit-on-the-side, the plaything. I have let this happen, but I wonder why it is I seem to be seen as an unsafe bet?
I’d like to share my admittedly rather uninteresting life with someone who recognises my positives and appreciates me and who can deal with my flaws. In both non-relationships i’ve suffered through I have always been the one to bend over and put up with the serious problems of the objects of my affection; it seems like the smallest problems I might have had have been too much for them to “cope” with and so they emotionally or physically bail out.
This is why I would like someone in my life who would take me seriously. Someone who is mature about life yet enjoys stupid stuff. A man who’ll acknowledge what I mean to him and at least try at communicating how he feels. Who’ll be there for me when the shit is hitting the fan and things seem to be on the verge of falling apart. Who won’t go back on what they say and who will be reliable.
These qualities (amongst others) are not qualities that should be rare in people. They are not extraordinary things, they are reasonable, and go towards what I would class as reasonable behaviour. I find it particularly galling to have given so much and have received so very little in return.
It’s not rocket science. It’s not, I feel, asking too much. It’s just reasonable. But it appears seemingly unobtainable and too much to ask. Not being an immature dick? Too much to ask for *so* many of the men me and my friends have known- Just go to any bar on a Friday night and observe the idiocy.
So i’m not in any way desperate to find someone just to knock me up- FAR from it. I suppose i’m just upset at how there seem to be so few adult males who are just that- Adults. As I stated at the beginning of this ramble, I don’t know if I even want or can have kids. I’d just like to have an engaged, functional relationship that doesn’t revolve around the man and their needs all the goshdarned time. Because you know what? With apologies for the ego, for all my flaws I am pretty great.
Too much to ask…?