Undercrackers


Some people cruise for hookers when they’re bored and feeling in need of comfort- I cruise underwear sites.

I’ve trawled my stash of bookmarks to try and find something interesting UK-based to satisfy my brain but alas, I seem to be unable to get a decent hit… grrr.

The gloriously theatrical Buttress and Snatch
The ridiculously beautiful (and expensive) Strumpet and Pink
Overpriced and not-so-much (but their shops are great fun) AP
Insanely priced beauties at Coco-de-Mer
Too clean and fancy for my liking Myla
The vast selection at Figleaves
Deceptively simple (and expensive) Bodas
The wonderful retro-raunch of What Katie Did
Your basic corsetry Axfords
More upmarket off-the-shelf corsetry Vollers
Crazy latexwear House of Harlot
Filled with beautiful stuff Fairy Gothmother

Problem number 1: I have no money to buy any of this stuff.
Problem number 2: I have no-one to appreciate me (skantily) clad (or otherwise) in said products.

Minor issues.

Looking at all this stuff doesn’t really comfort me particularly- all the underwear sites do is remind me of the above two problems and how this situation looks to be stretching out for years to come. It’s also a little depressing in a similar way that Valentines Day is a little depressing- In that I would really like to show someone significant that I care and have lots of monky-flavoured (i.e. warped) fun with them (e.g. going together to a lapdance club is just the perfect gift to show you love someone) but I simply lack the most basic requirement- a human being who thinks I rock.

I consider i’m a superior catch when you study the other fish in the sea and although I am super self-depreciating and my confidence often falters, I tend to think that there must be something wrong with everyone else, rather than myself. Is this egotistical?

At the same time, I often want to ask people – the Monster and Mid Atlantic – what it is about me that is so box-office-poison to them.

I know from experience that I am a fairly unusual individual (in a variety of ways) and I know that I pay for not towing the line through my (un)employment, the way people view and treat me and never having a significant other (no, not even a week-long affair in Year 9).

Then again, although I consider myself above people in some ways (hey, I love professional wrestling) and believe that being in a relationship in no way makes you superior to singletons, at the end of the day I would just like someone to take care of and love, and for me to receive some of the same in return. Admittedly pathetic.

Considering all the facts (friendship circle, location, employment, need for anyone who wants me to work hard at winning me because I think i’m worth it) I think I will be completely love-lorn for several years to come.

Jesus, what a disordered rant. To think it started with the rather mundane subject of undergarnments. Sigh.

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