Brain drain

I’m going through a phase of disordered sleeping at the moment. The reasons behind my lack of regularity are many and varied but easy to pin down: It’s a giant disgusting blend in the style of a Tic Tac, Reeces Cup and wheatgerm “milkshake“. Eugh.

The heat making me restless… the changing hormone levels in my system… my days being boring and that I have little to either look forward to or tire me.

Thoughts of darkened booths and side streets make me squirm… then I consider the concept of being “just a friend” ad infinitum… what it is that makes me so incompatible… is there some aspect to me that is so off-putting… will I always waste my heart on the lost cause? This pondering is not linked to events of late- it’s more of a general introspective questioning.

I lie awake worrying about money and my future… where will I live… will I get a decent job… I don’t want to have to leave people behind… my brain just won’t stop processing and it’s beginning to get light…

Or the lightning spooks me… (I have issues with cumulonimbi)

All this makes me clutch tighter onto Patrick and results in a really screwed up sleep pattern.

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