Vampiro Schmampiro


Periodically when bored I cruise the search engines to check out my boy Vamp; see how he’s doing, get me any new pictures that have surfaced etc. It was a good job I didn’t travel to see him at the glittering locale of Orpington; the latest pictures of him are not so good.

Now, it would be good-hearted of me to say I like him thin or fat, poor or rich, hair or no hair, but the fact is that I want him to stay reasonable looking, I want him to have a full head of hair and sometimes, well I just find him downright embarassing.

Case in point: There is a promo for him used when he works with NWE in Italy. It’s dire, but comedy gold in that it’s supposed to be lending him an air of threat and mystery, but this is rather difficult in that it appears to have been filmed in someone’s back garden.

This is acceptable when Spielberg does it, but watching him looming out of some bushes and then inexplicably belching blood is just bad. Also somewhat confusing- Why does he appear to be internally bleeding? Has this terrible predator of the night just feasted on some young maiden’s tender, lilywhite neck and has overdone it a little? From his bush lurking, I imagine that he’s just had his arse handed to him and is puking in an “Nurse, stomach lavage!” sorta way.

Now I love making costumes out of bin bags, but Vamp seems to have taken to wearing a couture bin bag ankle-length skirt. A skirt on a man can be a darned good thing, but the long length is simply not flattering. He would be better taking some tips from his former Deadpool mate Raven and wearing something higher cut and not as clingy. I think he could look rather fetching in a bondage kilt.

Oh and Honey, you could really do with laying off the beer and Mexican food, too. If you are going to get a big new tattoo across your stomach, you’ve got to realise it’s going to draw attention to your middle. Especially when it reads EVIL.

The tat is okay, but not in tandem with the flab. I myself carry too much fat in certain areas, and I know I could do with tackling it, but my career is not based on my appearance (but given appropriate motivation I can hide it and scrub up rather well). I like my boys burly but I’m sorry, I’m shallow about my eye candy.

Vampiro Promo .WMV

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