Monthly Archives: April 2005

Exhaustion breeds despair. I spent

Exhaustion breeds despair. I spent a night leaking like a punctured goldfish-containing bag at the fairgrounds of my childhood. Oozing tears. Not good.

A week of not getting to bed until 4am, work and a previous night of the entire series of Band of Brothers til the wee hours left me susceptible to meltdown. A few drinks combined with company inciting complicated feelings and you have me leaving early to catch the bus home alone.

A few months ago I stated that an individual’s actions didn’t affect me any more. Now I realise that statement was perhaps a little permature. Spent the day on my bed staring at the ceiling or slumped in front of the television with a comforting view of Indy feeling sad, shellshocked and foolish. Off to raspberry iceblasts and Hitchhikers. Hopefully I will be cheered.
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Slater fun

Hmmm. Hard Rain was quite good. Christian Slater looked darn fetching with short hair in a wet white t-shirt with a graze to his temple and left arm. Sicko. Am I lacking decent sleep? Maybe…
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Sad spot

Usually I cannot compete with the Lahndahn-based celebrity spots of End Of The Pier, but today I feel I may have eclipsed all sightings. Whilst in town today on a portfolio sourcing trip, I spied a lorry with a giant jumbotron-type screen showing BBC News 24 in the car park of a industrial estate on the edge of the town centre.

Walking on I saw lights and dishes and lo, the BBC News double decker. In DFS car park. Showbiz How exciting thought I, maybe I’ll get to see Paxo or Andy Marr. No such luck (I’d have to follow the helicopter). The perfectly coiffed George Alagiah in a perfectly pressed grey suit was on the upper deck in front of the cameras. Boo. On the upside, the circus was added to by a UKIP caravan tastefully decorated in yellow and purple parked next to the big screen. Yes, caravan.

Apparently, my town “oozes middle England affluence, from the smart businesses and corporations to the litter-free, leafy streets…” Heh. Gawd Bless the BBC.

Scary downing of a good read and a good person- Beyond Northern Iraq was hacked earlier today…
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Faulty Breaks

I inch closer to my goal… I am nothing if not dogged (ie extra geeky). The Twix ad mentioned below is called “Faulty Breaks”, by the director of that great “Dreams” ad for Honda and is thought up by Grey London.

Progress in my pointless search for information. Progress in what gives pleasure to me- Collating information. Hoorah. I now have it saved for posterity onto my hard drive. Still don’t know the ‘Hey, it’s that guy!’ guy…
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Issues spilling over into the subconcious are making me uneasy. I seem to be going through a phase of having dreams where I’m abandoned in an hour of need. I’ve had these off and on over the years, but being let down is a the major feature of late. My all-time fave was the one where I was half eaten by a pride of lions and then studiously ignored by my fellow doctor’s office waitees as I wandered (should I say limped) maimed along the coridoors. Can’t I just have erotic dreams involving friends and celebrities?

The most recent had me being shot through the hand and in the face at a pool party. I was promised a lift to the hospital by my beau but was left to sit inside and watch him drink martinis on his lounger by the pool. I sat locked in a trance in an armchair watching the black rivulets creep silently down my arm and onto the carpet. As I started to get light-headed and loose feeling I thought I just possibly needed to get some medical attention rather soonish.

I began to walk through the surrounding suburbs looking for a sign that would steer me towards the local emergency room, walking on and on until I got into the centre of town before finally seeing salvation in a sign. All around me people streamed past on their way to bars and gigs oblivious to the pale sweaty girl swaying along the pavement. I remember stumbling over something and thinking that I wouldn’t make it.

Then I woke up.

These violence-filled escapades are troubling. Not due to the violence but because of the abandonment issue- I don’t want to be crippled by it in the future, becoming embittered and harsh. I already feel the seeds of such emotions within and it worries me. Love that is true and faithful… Dammit, if I could just leave this sadness behind. Abandon it so to speak.

Celebrity Wrestling. It was just as bad as expected. Mucho ranting at the tv about the Ice Maiden’s outfit- ‘Just grab her fucking stupid little shorts and flip her!’ How I miss wrestling. I’m re-reading Mick Foley’s autobiographies at the moment, and the smothered laughing coming from my room and at lunch at work is testament to my enjoyment.
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I hate my job, my future is uncertain, I have to move house soon, I do not have enough income to live comfortably on and there are no cowboys on the horizon. Sigh. Will I ever be satisfied with my lot? No. I can complain about it though. There’s the bonus.

Sick and tired of being overlooked and undervalued. I’m also very tired. Was sick yesterday. Plus am just shopgirl with degree.
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New Scientist: Execution by injection

New Scientist: Execution by injection far from painless
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That new Twix advert- The

That new Twix advert- The one that’s delightfully Hitchcockian- at least until you find out what they’re selling. “Oh no! The Brakes…” The guy in it has appeared in something (probably only in my sick brain) as a pilot at the edge of sanity with red-rimmed eyes and a look of desperation upon his face. Recall…
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staplerfahrer klaus

Ha. Forklift truck safety video. Stick with it. Staplerfahrer Klaus (WMV)
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change up

Redesign. Still can’t get my index page to work in PHP but otherwise let me know if you have any issues. Relating to the site. Although you can write me about other problems you might have.

Sinus invasion

I have problems inside my head. Actually, it’s inside my nose, but if you think about it that really is the interior of my cranium. Although having internal space issues can be painful, unpleasant and quality-of-life plummets, thank fuck I have not experienced unilateral epistaxis after swimming in a stream…

“A 55-year-old Chinese woman presented with a 3-week history of unilateral left-sided epistaxis and nasal obstruction. She had swum in a freshwater stream 1 month prior to the onset of symptoms. Endoscopic examination revealed a live leech at the left middle meatus with a large part of its body inside the left maxillary antrum.

Local anaesthetic was applied to anaesthetise the leech and facilitate removal. Magnetic resonance imaging performed following removal confirmed that no other leeches were present in the sinonasal area. The endoparasitism might have persisted because of the inconspicuous site of infestation and the absence of pain. This form of leech infestation has not been previously reported.”

From the HKMJ
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Took in Secretary, Top Gun,

Took in Secretary, Top Gun, The Anatomy of Hell and Wrestlemania 21. I am tired.
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Oh how I love Marty

Oh how I love Marty Klein:

Reprinted from Sexual Intelligence, copyright © Marty Klein, Ph.D. (

“Virginity Pledges >> STDs

If you’ve ever promised yourself you’d stay away from something and did it anyway, this will come as no surprise: the abstinence vows and virginity pledges made by high school and college students get broken. A lot. The latest twist is that these kids are putting themselves at higher risk of STDs.

A study of 12,000 adolescents in the April Journal of Adolescent Health documents what sex education proponents have been saying for years: teens who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are more likely to take chances with other kinds of sex. The report by Yale and Columbia University researchers reveals that teens who pledge abstinence:

* are more likely to have oral and anal sex than other teens who have not had intercourse;
* are just as likely to have STDs as their non-abstinent peers;
* if they’re boys and haven’t had intercourse, are 4 times more likely to have had anal sex;
* are 6 times more likely to have oral sex than teens who have remained abstinent but not as part of a pledge;
* are less likely to use condoms during their first sexual experience;
* are less likely to get tested for STDs, or to know their STD status.

Kids who pledge abstinence are told that they’re bad if they have sex. Thus, they refuse to prepare for it, and are less equipped to cope with it or its aftermath. They are torn between the power of their sexual interests and the desire to be a good person (as defined by the abstinence curriculum). Lacking decision-making skills or real knowledge to lean on, they simplistically decide that non-intercourse sex isn’t sex. This allows them to have their (abstinence) cake and eat their (pleasure) cake, too.

Leslee Unruh, president of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse, called the scientific study “bogus,” disputing that those involved had pledged true ‘abstinence.’ “Kids who pledge abstinence are taught that any word that has ‘sex’ in it is considered a sexual activity,” Unruh said. “Therefore oral sex is sex, and they are staying away.”

What the abstinence crowd stubbornly refuses to accept is that this is what ‘abstinence’ looks like to a 15-year-old: stretching the rules. Making “mistakes.” “Forgetting.” “One thing led to another.” “But we were in love.” As we’ve said before, it’s why abstinence is not the perfectly reliable method our government claims it is. ‘Abstinence’ as an abstract concept is totally different than abstinence the method in real life situations. Kids aren’t abstractions–they’re real people making real decisions in complex circumstances. ‘Abstinence’ doesn’t equip them to make these decisions. Just like people who use the rhythm method are called parents, kids who use abstinence are called sexually active. 88% of teens who pledge abstinence have sex before marriage.

This study, by the way, is science at its finest. It details a truth at variance with many people’s “common sense.” It shows how one public policy–abstinence programs–leads to an unwanted public outcome–increased STDs. It’s a great rebuttal to anyone (like our Congress) who says we don’t need sexual science.

Speaking of being out of touch with reality, your federal government just posted a website ( designed to help parents prevent their teens from having sex. It’s laden with one-sided values, contains expressions like “unborn child,” and features inaccurate information, such as a major link between abortion and infertility. It’s like the grownup version of the inaccurate federally-funded sex education curricula criticized by Congressman Waxman.

But Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt says the website is on target, “designed for parents who are embarrassed about talking with their children about sex.”

His response to the concerns of physician groups and others is to defend abstinence. He says that with abstinence, teens don’t have to worry about STDs and pregnancy. What he doesn’t seem to understand is that teens already don’t worry–they’re teens. They certainly don’t worry during moments of passion, love, or peer pressure–the same way many adults respond.

Let’s invite the government to prove its sincerity. Statistics tell us at least half the nation’s married governors, senators, mayors, and Cabinet members had sex before they married. We invite each of them to stand up and say “I regret having premarital sex”–if, of course, they mean it.”
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