Thinners


Whilst waiting for the bus another floundering moth was attracted to my burning greatness. I’m Mother Theresa to the drunk. An unsteady, middle-aged man started chatting at me in a very quiet voice. He wore oversized, fingerprint-splodged glasses; a blue checked shirt and a long, very battered brown leather jacket. He was bald and his face had a slight sheen of sweat covering it. He smelt of thinners or some such substance, sort of solventy and sweet. He told me that he had lost over £80,000 over the last 2 years in various casinos and that he wanted my advice as to precisely how much money he should ask his social worker for during his next visit. Was £800 too much? £1500? £600?

He kept repeating that he had an account that he had savings in but that he couldn’t get any money out as he didn’t have a passbook. I asked him if he had tried the Citizens Advice Bureau. He said he had but that they couldn’t help him. He also said that he had about £30,000 in debt and that he can go to the casino and they will give him money. The bank and casino seemed to be mixed in his mind. I couldn’t think of any way to tactfully ask him if he thought he had a problem. Any help I proffered wouldn’t be of any help anyway. I attract the middle-aged men at the bar, the people who need to talk to someone. Easy target or do I just look approachable? The ones I actually want to attract run screaming…

Ugh. Been having trouble sleeping these last two weeks. Combination of the weather, work stress, getting-my-car-fixed woe and relationship strife. I lie awake for hours thinking about problems, thinking things through. After dropping off I wake up very early and can’t get back to sleep. After hours staring at the ceiling, then the wall, then the table I manage to slip back under and rewake feeling awful. Unpleasant, fitful dreams about my future and others in my life. Rather not have them- they add to the stress.

The moon this evening looks like it is being suffocated with a dirty plastic bag. It’s large, heavy and yellow. Pretty. The Son’s Room– Highly recommended. Slow, thoughtful and full of truth.

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