Monthly Archives: July 2004


Woke up mad today. Not mad as in radio, mad as in angry. I woke with thoughts of raining my vengeance upon certain people. I think it must be delayed shock. My thoughts contained visions of baseball bats, knives and scissors, and the ensuing mutilation and mayhem. I’m not a psycho I swear. Over this violence hung overwhelming feelings of loss and sadness. Dear me, I should become like others and not trouble my pretty little head with things like thinking, I would be so much better off. All this thinking gets me nowhere afterall.

I will never act upon my mental ravings, it’s just sweet to imagine getting some comeback for injustice and falsehoods dished out to me. I’m probably only angry and upset because I am well trained to turn the anger inwards rather than yelling and maybe getting rid of some of it, which, although all violence is bad, I am perfectly entitled to do. Heh. Men act out, women turn inwards.

Rar rar rar I am Monky hear me er, whimper…
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It should be easy to make this site look acceptable in both my current browser of choice Mozilla and my ex-browser IE. It should be very easy. Can I manage it? Nope. It’s down to my cellpadding on my tables and my nopokemeo logo not matching with it’s surrounds. Looks all good in IE as it was designed to do but now i’ve switched over to the tabbed glories of Mozilla it all looks not as intended.

The world is clearly coming to an end. Apart from plagues of locusts, boils, fire and brimstone etc, Mozilla crashed on me for the first time. An indicator of doom if ever I saw one.

Had my first experience of audio described television last night. I was watching Signed Blue Planet and was enjoying watching the Marlin, Sei and Manta chasing their prey with the added interest of signing gestures. I like watching how the voiceover and visuals match up to the visual gestures and facial expressions. I was somewhat suprised when a soft female voice began to describe how fish scales floating in the water were like “tiny shimmering stars.” “An aerial view of a steel grey sea.” “Different fish in sillouhette surround the knarled flotsam of the net.” The descriptions were all nicely imaginative and somehow quite poetic, but to my relatively good eyes and ears sometimes intrusive, probably because of the sparse nature of the programme.

RNIB: What Is Audio Description
OFCOM: The Principles of Audio Description Using Practical Examples
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Porn: A Family Business. Just plain odd, and not in a “shock! porn people lead normal lives” way. Something I can’t put my finger on at the moment. I shall ruminate upon it.

Oooh. The Rock is mine to own. All hot and dirty. He’s in the jungle, fool. I didn’t manage to catch his latest opus. Dwayne and Neal in a film together. Getting all dirty and injured. And hot.
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I thought my broken relationship was merely mildly sprained. Now I am beginning to see that radical surgery may be required. Radical surgery in the form of amputation.

I’ve just got to decide what course of treatment to take. Difficult decisions. Is the relationship worth attempting to fix? I don’t know. I’ve sacrificed so many things. My love isn’t enough. How do I go on from whatever action I decide to take? If I go ahead with the operation, putting things back together after living with the symptoms for four years is going to be tough. Either way, it’s going to affect me for a very long time to come. If only there was some guidence in the form of a treatment regime.

The stupid thing about it all is that I care for the broken one more than anyone else in the world. I love him when all around me are urging me to excise. I’m used to having my heart ground into the carpet, it’s happened so often my supply of replacement monkey hearts is beginning to dry up.

Hopefully I can find a workaround- Preserving myself from pain whilst keeping my lil shark close to me. I don’t want to amputate.

Did I mention I love him? Yes, I’m a total ‘tard. No, he doesn’t love me back.

If I could just come to accept that I am going to be alone in this world then I could rest easy. Thing is, I think i would have to perform reduction surgery on my heart. It would just be nice for once in my short, pathetic existence if I could end up on the winning side. The happy side, who get to scream We Are The Champions whilst getting some sweet team loving.

But this is me i’m talking about. I saw a t-shirt today in the hospital waiting room that said “I think, therefore i’m single” Too true. I’m a good person, interesting, funny, intellegent, not too bad looking, loyal and loving. Therefore I am such a loser.

Find me somebody to love, and give just a little love in return. Is that too much to ask? Seems so.
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Exhibition June 2004

Finally, The Monky has got her photos developed. Of the exhibition I mean.
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Now here’s a religious institution

Now here’s a religious institution I could believe in: Fans set up church of SpongeBob
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Disinterested disintegration

The slow disintegration of a relationship is a painful thing to watch, especially when you’re not just standing on the sidelines. The intimacy and affection seems to have gone and I feel like I don’t know the subject as well any more. I get the impression that it’s getting to be a chore to come see me and if I try and talk to them about a problem they get pissed off. It’s kinda sad when so much time, effort, money and above all heart has been invested in someone for nought.

I can’t win- I’m as usual the loser. Four years I can’t have back that are going to affect me for a long time to come. I think through all my actions and I don’t think i’ve done anything wrong, but still I have to ask myself what’s wrong with me, what’s so repellent? Defective in some way I cannot see, and I am my harshest critic. Any ideas? Apart from “stop whining you indulgent bitch”- I know this already.

Changing the topic sharpish, I just saw Jonathan Davis Leash Freaking at Download. My God, the man looks different. Apparently he has to use oxygen to get through the gigs.

aEuropean is a nice little blog on identity and being European. It’s in the process of coming together but it looks like there’ll be some well thought-out entries. In the interests of full disclosure, I should say I know the author, and that’s why I can safely predict interesting things- interesting person.
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Fallslake in progress

blah blah I can't draw

It’s bad, but strangely satisfying. Years of excellent art education means that I can’t draw very well, at least not in a realistic manner. So, I take photographs, use my laptop to play or make objects with thought surrounding them. Monky no draw good. Anyway, this bad work in progress is where I’m at after Fallslake.

All done in pencil on a sparkling new pad and erased with a (formerly) pristine white rubber. Hence the smudging. Excuse the Megadeth and Thin Red Line written on the right hand side of the page.

All Music is not just drawing ire from the Monky. There are lots of complaints

Sitepoint: AllMusicGuide- A Web Standards case study
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art honesty

Wandering round the garden in my headNow I am free from the tyrrany of institutional art “education” I find myself thinking about art alot more than I did before. Thinking of things to do, stuff to make etc. I listen to music and I get an urge to create (cliched I know). Mostly mess mind you, but things of a variety and complexity not seen in my head for quite a while.

I’ve always been better at thinking and talking about my work than actually creating it (quote from my tutor) but maybe I need to be away from the guilt trip of the Art Department to do any. This will probably come to nought but it’s an interesting development nonetheless.

“wandering in the dark/
on the path to the lake…”

All because I heard Nobukazu Takemura‘s “Fallslake” on The Breezeblock Japanese Special. Takemura came up with the noises of the Aibo. Mu’s– “Tiger Bastard” and “Paris Hilton” were great too. Particularly liked the cock noises. As in cock-a-doodle-doo from poultry, not friction based emissions.

Although Fallslake has been on loop for about the last half hour, I haven’t tired of it (yet). Even with Win I eventually had to set it aside.

Oh, and what the fuck have they done to All Music? Argh. Too complicated Webmonkeys!
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And the meek shall inherit the Earth…

I consider myself a good person, very loyal to my friends and although weird, possessing morals, standards and the like. I’m usually more up to speed with life than the opposition (monky vs world… monky win!!!) and though self-deprecating like all Brits are, I have talents, and am not as hideous as I think I appear. Let’s face it reader, I am hot stuff. Oh yes. Why then am I such a loser?


I’m not alone in this. Most of my friends have the same problem, and taking as un-biased position as possible, I can say that they are good people, but still get stepped on whilst merely trying to live their lives. It pisses me off to see “less worthy” individuals getting their kicks over the rest of us losers. Dammit.

That’s what pouring your life into a bottomless pit for four fuckin’ years will get you. That’s right, Ladies and Gentlemen, moral superiority…
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la la la Just watched The Peacemaker. Nicole Kidman was a little too screamy for my liking, but if I had to go through what she had to, I think even I would let a couple of lungfuls out, George Clooney or no. She has good style on her freestyle I must say.

I haven’t heard George swear so frequently or forcefully before. For some reason, when he said “Fuckin'” I melted onto the sofa just a ‘lil bit. Like a chocolate bar left in the glovebox on a warm day. Soft. Eugh.

It was a different vehemence of fuck than I’ve been exposed to from him e.g. Three Kings, Out of Sight. He looked good in Chocolate Chip in Three Kings, but not as good as in The Peacemaker as Colonel Thomas Devoe in a black t-shirt and slightly too tight trousers. Nice forearms. Mind you, a bit battered and grimy he’s lookin’ fine wherever.

Getting retarded in the Monky nest…
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Lets Get…

Let’s get retarded… in here
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There was I feeling sad at the loss of my only (living) source of comforting intimacy, but it seems I am indeed loved. Yes, someone other than Patrick loves me. Jesus.

Do you accept Jesus Christ as your own personal Savior?
Yes_ No_

There are some spectacular pieces of propaganda from Chick Publications. I was given a booklet entitled “This Was Your Life” as a birthday present. I loved the illustrations if not the message. Actually, the more booklets I read, the more offended I get. Views on abortion, being gay, Catholicism, Islam, Darwinism (evolution). It’s a little disturbing that such terrible messages are being passed out to people who don’t have access to the other side of the stories laid out.

I spent three hours watching the CBS News online feed of the astronaut Mike Fincke (in blue striped suit) and cosmonaut Gennedy Padalka (in red) clamber about the ISS. They successfully replaced a power circuit that had stopped functioning back in April and performed many other maintainence tasks. There are only two people on the ISS at the moment, so they had to leave the ISS unmanned as they spacewalked outside to fix the problem. After the Space Shuttle was grounded there is only room for two people in the Russian module that services the station. They look like small beige monkeys on an extremely complex climbing frame. With one dragging a floating box around behind him.

  Johnson Space Centre
ISS over S. America  one beige monkey on the end of the boom
two beige monkeys fixing hand rails near the airlock 


They completed their tasks after 5hrs40min EVA and have returned safely inside the ISS.

On the subject of space monkeys: Tyler Durden’s business stationary
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